Can You Love A Grunty?
by MortalSora
Summary: It is time for Tsukasa vs. Tsukasa! Can you figure out what's going on? Log on to one of the strangest, yet compelling, .hack stories to come along in a while!
1. Can you

Disclaimer: I don't own .hack//SIGN. I don't even own Sora, wish I did though, he rocks _______________________________________________________________________  
  
Chapter 1: Can you...  
  
Tsukasa had just gotten home from hell, I mean school, and ran into her house, which was her adopted father Bear's house. She ran straight for the VR set and quickly logged into The World. She knew Subaru would be there and Tsukasa couldn't wait to tell her the news. Tsukasa was now gonna be able to start dating her exclusively!  
  
As soon as Tsukasa logged in, she went straight to Dun Loieag. As soon as she gated in, however, tons of players stared at Tsukasa, completely and totally confused. As Tsukasa ran past them to head over to Subaru who was waiting for her, everyone just stared at Tsukasa, confused. What was their problem anyway?  
  
Tsukasa was just a few feet away from Subaru when Subaru saw her and Subaru lit up. Tsukasa ran up to her and was jumping up and down excited.  
  
"Hey Subaru, guess what!?" Tsukasa said, excited.  
  
"Aw, you're so cute!" exclaimed Subaru, who them rubbed Tsukasa on the head. Tsukasa loved her touch and Tsukasa was so excited that her tail was wagging as fast as the wind. Then Tsukasa was about to hug then when- WHAT!!? A TAIL!? Now what the hell was going on here!!? Tsukasa looked backwards, and sure enough she had a tail.  
  
"Subaru, WHY DO I HAVE A TAIL!!?"  
  
"Aw, it's trying to speak! It must be a baby since it doesn't speak English yet."  
  
"WHAT!?" Tsukasa looked at herself, looked at her tail wagging furiously, saw four big, stubby legs and finally figured it all out. "Aw damn it!! I'm a gru-untyyyyyy." Tsukasa said that last part in a whine.  
  
But here is what Subaru was hearing Tsakasa say just then. "Grruuunntt!? Aw grunt eet! Grumble grunt gru-untyyyyyy." Subaru couldn't get over how cute this Grunty was. It was like this Grunty was made just for her.  
  
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Sora was walking around Dun Loreag looking for something to do. He was simply bored, he needed to find someone to kill. Sora had just killed a player not long ago and Sora said that an evil glade of grass shot the player with hyper rays. The funniest part was that System Admin believed it. That helped lead Sora to believe that he was one of The World's finest liars. One had to have gotten a PhD in lying like he was to be a PK. He was an expert at lying, he could get people to believe anything. He was the best liar in The World, bare none. Either that, or the System Admin were a bunch a retards. Looking back on it now, Sora believed it was the latter.  
  
Sora had been walking around Dun Loreag thinking about all sorts of things, mainly stuff he liked. And he also thought of the books that he loved. In fact, if his mind had a library of the stuff he liked, then the books would be titled thus: "Killing Things", "Killing More Things", "Killing Things Over and Over Again", "Killing Things Till They Died", "Killing Dead Things", "Killing Dead Things Over and Over Again", "Die Screaming with Sharp Things in Your Head", and "Go Dog Go." For some reason, this made him think of Helba. Sora liked Helba, her jahoobies were gift-wrapped. Then, he saw a Grunty Gate In and saw the Grunty running really fast with its oversized tongue hanging out its mouth. A really weird start to the rest of Sora's day.  
  
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Subaru was petting Tsukasa, whom she thought, of course, was just another Grunty while Tsukasa grumbled and grunted. Hey, he's a lot like a Grunty! Only Tsuaksa didn't know how Grunties spoke English so he could only grunt and grumble.  
  
"You know," said Subaru. "You make me think of this girl I like. I know! I'll name you...Tsukasa!!"  
  
This made Tsukasa's eyes grow wide. Well, being a Grunty, they were already wide, so this statement made Tsukasa's eyes bug out. You know those squeak toys were, when you squeeze them, their eyes popped out. Well, that was how Tsukasa looked right now.  
  
"Yay, you still love me! I love you Subaru!!" then Tsukasa remembered that Subaru couldn't understand him. "Ah sh**!"  
  
But, Subaru didn't know what Tsukasa was saying cause Tsukasa couldn't speak English, so she heard him say, "G-grunta, grummmble grunt! Gruunta Sugruntu! Ah shgrunt!" Subaru thought the Grunty trying to talk like this was so cute. Now if she only knew where the real Tsukasa went.  
  
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Yeah, I know, veeeeeeeeeeery short. Though this is more like just a prologue than anything to see if you people will want me to keep going. (I'll probably just keep going anyway) In the next chapter (which I'll probably write), Sora, Mimiru, Silver Knight, and Crim go searching for Tsukasa the Wavemaster and Subaru starts having romantic feelings for the Grunty Tsuaksa, unaware of how...weird that is. I don't know, maybe a human could fall in love with a Grunty? Anyway, hopefully I'll update soon, but I can't promise. Please review if you liked! 


	2. Love

Disclaimer: I don't own .hack//SIGN or its characters (maybe I can bribe for Sora) _______________________________________________________________________  
  
Chapter 1: ...Love...  
  
Sora had seen some pretty odd stuff in the history of The World, but this had to be one of the oddest. Seeing a Grunty run around in panicked circles looking like some over-sized constipated pig was up on his Weird Things List along with a weird cat that was mute and the rumored Hobo character class. What would a Grunty have to worry about anyway? What a weirdo Grunty. That wore a Wavemaster's hat.  
  
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Tsukasa was running panicky in circles, trying to communicate with Subaru, or at least give her a signal that the Grunty was actually Tsukasa. Subaru, on the other hand, saw Tsukasa running around in circles and decided it would be fun to ride on Tsukasa like a roller coaster. She was missing the point entirely. 'But at least she's having fun,' Tsukasa thought.  
  
Then, out of the corner of Tsukasa's eyes, she saw something weird and dangerous looking and decided that she would deal with it. Tsukasa was about to do something kinda stupid. She bit her tail, thinking it was an evil creature. 'Maybe,' thought Tsukasa, coming up with a plan to not feel stupid, 'maybe if I don't do anything, she won't notice.' It was like when a cat runs high speed and hits your foot then walks away, pretending that it meant to do that.  
  
Subaru had hopped off Tsukasa when she did that, then Subaru remarked playfully, "That's you TAIL! You don't want to bite it!"  
  
"Shooooop!!" This, of course, meant that Sora had arrived, along with Mimiru, Silver Knight, and Crim. "You see, you see, it's a weird Grunty!"  
  
Mimiru bent down to look at Tsukasa and noticed the Wavemaster hat it wore. "Aww, it's so cute! What's its name?"  
  
"Hey!" exclaimed Tsukasa. "I'm not an IT! I'm a-ah forget, you can't understand anyway!"  
  
Everyone else heard what Tsukasa said like this: "Grunttt! Grummmmble grunta GUMBLE!" followed by several grumbles. This gave Sora an idea.  
  
"It can't even speak properly! We don't want mooooore weirdo Grunties like this running around," then Sora paused, "maybe we should get the Grunty fixed."  
  
This elicited a loud, startling grunt, then Tsukasa ran and hid behind Subaru, despite the fact that Tsukasa was about the size of two Subaru's. Mimiru then scolded Sora for such a suggestion. Then Tsukasa had an idea of how to hopefully get Subaru to recognize him. Tsukasa could do romantic things, the type of things Tsukasa would normally do! Then Mimiru started calling out for the Wavemaster Tsukasa.  
  
"Tsukasaaaaaaaaaa, where are you?"  
  
"Yes, where are you, I love you Tsukasaaaaaaaaa, come back!" yelled out Subaru, making Tsukasa feel warm.  
  
Mimiru, never one to feel undermined, tried to better Subaru. "Oh yeah? Well, I love Tsukasa more!"  
  
"I love Tsukasa twice as much!"  
  
"I love Tsukasa thrice as much!" 'What the hell does thrice even mean?' but that nagging thought wasn't gonna stop Mimiru.  
  
"I love Tsukasa four times as much!"  
  
"I love Tsukasa..." Mimiru paused. What number was she on? Aw, math was so confusing! "...alright, you win this time Subaru, but no more bringing math into this!"  
  
Subaru giggled, but when she looked back, she couldn't find her Tsukasa Grunty anywhere. Where had Tsukasa gone? While she looked for her, she could hear Sora and Mimiru arguing in the background and Crim saying that he thought that Sora and Mimiru made such a cute couple.  
  
'Yes!' thought the Silver Knight, 'with Tsukasa gone, I will be able to woo Lady Subaru! Nothing can stop me now!'  
  
Subaru was still looking for Tsukasa as the SK walked towards her, but then Subaru saw something that she thought was incredibly adorable. Tsukasa, the Grunty form of course, walked up to her, eyes wide with a bouquet of Aromatic Grass in her mouth. The Aromatic Grass bouquet was wrapped in plastic up with 'To the Lovely Subaru' written on it. It was one of the most romantic things Subaru had ever seen, the fact that it came from a Grunty making it better.  
  
Mimiru and Crim and Sora saw it too and Mimiru thought it was incredibly adorable and Sora saw the Silver Knight slap a hand to his head. 'Oh noooo-ooooo! I can't be under-wooed by some Grunty!! This is unbelievable!!'  
  
"Wow, the Tsukasa loved me this much?" Subaru then explained that she had named the Grunty Tsukasa. This gave the Silver Knight an idea. If she loved a bouquet of Aromatic Grass, then surely she's love a BIGGER bouquet of Aromatic Grass!  
  
Silver Knight ran over to a field of Aromatic Grass and tugged it up, but it wouldn't come out! So the Silver Knight done what he thought as a good idea. He got his sword out and chopped all around the Aromatic Grass and chopped the Aromatic Grass then scooped it all up, leaving a dead field.  
  
The Silver Knight ran over to Subaru and turned to face her. "This, uh," then Silver Knight extended his arm and opened his hand, revealing dead, cut, stomped weeds. "These, uh, these dead WEEDS show my love for you!!" beamed Silver Knight.  
  
Subaru had no idea what in the world that was supposed to mean. "Um...thank...you." She did take the torn and ugly weeds though.  
  
Silver Knight just walked and stood beside Sora, feeling slightly dejected. The whole dead weed idea really was a STUPID idea. "Let's seeeeeeee," said Sora, "Grunty: 1. SK: Zeroooooooooo! Well, might as well not hang out with the loooooooser!" Then Sora hopped over near Crim. The Silver Knight knew that everyone in The World had some kind of natural ability in real life. The Silver Knight was positive he had found Sora's natural ability. Sora had the ability to take the lowest point in someone's life and amplify it so that you have a new lowest point in your life.  
  
The Silver Knight would NOT be under-wooed by a Grunty! He had to do something, so he tried thinking of other ways people showed their love for one another. Silver Knight did think it was weird and disturbing that Subaru loved a Grunty and he thought of going over to tell her that she was a freak because of loving a Grunty, then she would realize, then she would thank Silver Knight and love him! 'Man, I am such a genius,' though Silver Knight, not noticing what a stupid, stupid, catastrophic plan this was. Silver Knight was never known for being romantic.  
  
Sora watched the Silver Knight walk over to Subaru and Mimiru, who were petting Tsukasa, then heard the Silver Knight proudly telling Subaru she was a complete weirdo. After hearing Subaru scold Silver Knight, he walked back next to Sora. For some reason, the Silver Knight that for sure that that would work. Sora turned to Silver Knight, "Man, it's sooooooo sad when a girl dumps you for a Grunty. Loseeeeer!"  
  
The Silver Knight watched Sora hop near Tsukasa. 'It's not sad to be dumped for a Grunty!' Silver Knight lied to himself. 'Cripe, he's right!!'  
  
Tsukasa, meanwhile, was getting her belly rubbed by Subaru and Mimiru. Hey, being a Grunty wasn't entirely bad after all! But Tsukasa suddenly had a nagging thought: 'How am I going to bath myself? Oh my God, I'm I gonna have to lick my whole body!? How the hell am I even supposed to get my back!?' How did Grunties usually bath anyway? Then Tsukasa rolled back over onto her feet and looked at Suabru, as if staring at her would get her to realize that the Grunty was Tsukasa. It didn't work! Then Tsukasa looked to the side and saw Mimiru and also saw Sora. Sora was licking his lips with a hungry look in his face. Uh-oh...  
  
Subaru was petting Tsukasa when she looked in the direction Tsukasa was looking and saw Sora. She could've sworn she just heard Sora say "Yummy!" but she really hoped she didn't. She wasn't going to let ANYONE hurt her dear Tsukasa!  
  
Sora, meanwhile, was staring at Tsukasa and could only think of one thing: A1 Steak Sauce. Hmmm, maybe some barbeque, a touch of some sort of spice, a grill! Grilled food was yummy. Tsukasa Stir-Fried, Tsukasa- Loins, Tsukasa-on-Ice. All tasty really. Sora couldn't help it, there was something so tasty looking about this particular Grunty. Sora's blades retracted. Tsukasa ran away. Sora gave chase.  
  
"No Sora! That's a bad Sora! Don't eat the Grunty!" yelled Subaru as she chased after Sora.  
  
"Yeah, don't eat the Grunty! The Grunty makes me think of Tsukasa, whom I love..." Mimiru paused, trying to think of a high number, "...ten times as much as Subaru! Hah, take that Subaru!" Then Mimiru, too, chased after Tsukasa.  
  
'If this Tsukasa is eaten, I can successfully woo Lady Subaru!' though SK, who ran after Tsukasa as well, actually cheering on Sora for a change.  
  
Crim watched this all in mild shock and bewilderment. "I've got some REALLY weird friends. Have you all forgotten about Tsukasa the Wavemaster?!" Then Crim went off to search for the Wavemaster Tsukasa.  
  
Meanwhile, at the field that use to flourish with Aromatic Grass till Silver Knight chopped all their heads off, a little Wavemaster wearing blue visited the field. The blue Wavemaster noticed and big chopped- up field, and couldn't help but question himself with this question: "Hey, where'd all the Aromatic Grass go?"  
  
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Yes, I know this might not be as good as it seemed. Either that or I'm just extremely paranoid, as I usually am when I write a fan fic. I'll end up writing and then think it's not good for some reason, so I'm probably just paranoid. Will Sora eat Tsukasa? Will Silver Knight be able to even out-woo a rock? Well, you'll find out in the next chapter whenever I get to writing it and I hope you liked this chapter. And review if you liked! 


	3. Requiem for Weirdness

Disclaimer: (sirens blaring) It's the end of the world! I've FINALLY updated, so armageddon MUST be coming! (sirens blaring) You've got mail! (you look inside and it's an actual update!) And now, without further adu, the next chapter in the fic that you've probably forgotten about!

* * *

The wedding reception was beautiful. Tsukasa looked beautiful in her white, pearly wedding gown and long train. Subaru as well looked adorable, in a similar gown but with a silk-colored veil. Tsukasa was being handed off by Bear, who was dressed in a sharp tuxedo and Tsukasa turned to see Subaru's bridesmaid Mimiru, who was currently trying to beat the living crap out of Sora who kept poking her in the butt.

Tsukasa couldn't be any happier. Subaru had reached the alter where Tsukasa was waiting. Subaru had a trace of tears in her eyes, so she must be as happy as Tsukasa! When Subaru was in place, both Tsukasa and Subaru turned to the vicar who was marrying them.

"Ah sh#!" yelled Marlo, who accidentally spilled a goblet's contents onto the Bible. Of course, Marlo wasn't a real vicar, but the real vicar had an infected tongue, so Marlo took over. "Awright you two lovers, do you take each other forever and all that yada? If you do, good, we can go eat. If you don't, then to hell with all this! So here's the question: Do you or do you not?"

Looking into Subaru's loving, un-veiled eyes, Tsukasa spoke the words that would mean the most to her for all time. "I do."

"Well then hell yeah. Your turn Subaru." I think you know who said that.

"I'm sorry. I can't." The pain, sorrow, regret were clear in her voice. She looked pleadingly at Tsukasa. "Because after all…I can't get married to a GRUNTY!"

"WHAT?" shouted Tsukasa the Grunty in an over-sized wedding gown.

* * *

Log Out 3: Requiem for Weirdness

* * *

"Ooh, Shugy-Woogy, IT'S BEAUTIFUL!" screamed the female blademaster. The female blademaster had on blue pants with red stripes and a turquoise colored top. Along her naked belly were tattoos of Grunties. She had her green hair flowing down her back. The female blademaster picked up the object of her affection. It was a rather plump baby Grunty with a wavemaster hat on. "Hello, cute little Grunty-runty, I'm your mistress, Gruntylover4eva!" (just a playful parody of the author's name, not tryin to make fun of Inulover)

Tsukasa's big-ass baby Grunty eyes looked grumpily at the short red Twin Blade. 'Why the hell did you give me to this silly bitch?' Tsukasa knew that she didn't curse often, but this time the situation was called for.

"SHUGY-WOOGY, WHERE'D YOU FIND HIM?"

"I found the Grunty hiding on a shelf, pretending to be a plushy."

"AND LOOK! This Grunty is rare, I've never seen a wavemaster Grunty before! It might be a vagrant Grunty! I'm so excited I gotta pee!" Then her data froze as she left her terminal.

The short red Twin Blade scratched his head nervously. "Sorry baby Grunty. But she loves Grunties!"

"I'm back!" She hoisted up Tsukasa, letting Tsukasa's plunp baby Grunty gut hang down. Looked kind of like a pregnant frog. "Ahhh, look! The Grunty's got just the cutest little butt! See! See!" shouted the crazed girl as she repeatedly flung the Grunty at the short, red Twin Blade. "Heehee, cute butt!"

"Umm, yeah?" replied the Twin Blade, followed by a nervous anime sweatdrop.

"You should worship Grunties! They are the great creatures of the universe! They are loyal to the end! Be cruel to them and they endlessly obey you, hahahaha! Majestic Grunty, how I salute thee!" shouted Gruntylover4eva while waving her arms in the air, including the one that she held Tsukasa with. Tsukasa was quickly getting nauseous. "But who would want to be mean to these godly creatures? They are what WE should be like! If only humans had tongues like a Grunty's! Just imagine, with Grunty tongues we could bathe those hard to reach spots like our neck pits! Ahahahahahaha!"

The Twin Blade's eyes widened to the size of dinner-plates at Gruntylover4eva's manic reaction. "Umm, yeah. I gotta go, my sister is calling me. Bye!" Then the Twin Blade dashed off so fast he didn't even leave behind a dust cloud.

"BUT OF COURSE! You must be hungry, my little Grunty! Don't worry, I'll hug you and squeeze you to itty bitty pieces, then get you food! I know! I could put you in a tutu, paint you pink, and give you Elvis hair! You'd look so…"

'So stupid? God, HELP ME SOMEBODY!'

"…so DIGNIFIED!"

So then Tsukasa glared at her, and when Gruntylover4eva noticed the glare, she immediately dropped Tsukasa. Then Gruntylover4eva got down on her knees and quickly bowed down to Tsukasa repeatedly. "I'M SORRY I'VE MADE YOU MAD! I'M NOT WORTHY! I'M NOT WORTHY! I'M A WORM! Bahahahaha!"

Tsukasa looked at YOU, the reader. 'What did I do in a past life to deserve this?'

* * *

In a cold field in the Dun Loreig server sat a Red Cherry. "Red Cherry!" Yes, thank you Red Cherry, you've made your point.

Now, if this Red Cherry were a human player, this Red Cherry would've seen a character named Subaru walking along the field with a character named Silver Knight. Also, if this Red Cherry had ears, it would have heard their conversation.

"Why must I always loose track of Tsukasa?" The Red Cherry would have heard her say this if it was alive. The Red Cherry also would have noticed that Subaru was extremely tired from searching all night long.

"Who knows? Hey, Tsukasa's probably dead! Maybe you should go on and look for another love in your life!" exclaimed the Silver Knight, with hope practically vomiting out of his voice.

Now the Red Cherry would have been quite surprised since the female Heavy Axeman lept around in mid-air hacking the cripe out of the Silver Knight. But the Red Cherry better be glad it isn't a human player as a Rocker Grunty just came and bit its head off.

* * *

Tsukasa was enjoying some peace and quite. Tsukasa was so relieved when the insane female player said she had to leave right quick to get some Grunty food. Tsukasa would have run away, but she was tied to the Grunty fence in Dun Loreiag.

'Nnnngh!' Tsukasa thought in frustration. 'What'd I do to deserve this? Things were going so well after I left The World! I was passing all my classes, I was having fun, my carbuncle was getting better, and I was about to ask Subaru out!'

"Ooh, Grunty-chii, I'm back!" cried Gruntylover4eva. She was carrying a mountain of food like Golden Eggs, Piney Apples, Bloody Eggs, a shiny silver thing, Red Cherries, La Pumpkins, an Elk, and Twilight Onions.

"Time for you to grow up, GRUNTY!" yelled Gruntylover4eva, not even trying to hide her insanity. She shot one arm up into the air and pointed at the sky. "You know, if you don't grow up soon, I'll be accused of stunting your growth. And if that happens I'll be forced to hack your limbs off with a chainsaw so that I'll be blamable after all. BUT WE DON'T WANT THAT, do we?"

'What is wrong with this crazy girl?'

"Golden Egg!"

'Huh?' but by the time Tsukasa looked up, all she saw was a Golden Egg hurling straight at her over-sized baby Grunty nose. WHACK!

"Eat Grunty eat, eat with all your might! Eat it up, eat it up, till it's outta sight, till it's outta sight!" sang Gruntylover4eva as she flung Grunty food at Tsukasa.

Tsukasa was actually catching lots of the food until Silver Knight's head was thrown at her. "Ahhhhh-grunt!"

"Oops, sorry bout that. I'll save that for myself."

After a little while of eating, Tsukasa felt strange. She could feel herself expanding! Her voice was changing too! She was turning into an adult Grunty! 'To bad this feels like indigestion.' She felt like she exploded and she could hear Gruntylover4eva screaming in almost orgasmic joy. 'Wierdo.' Then Tsukasa exploded and rearranged into an adult! But now that Tsukasa was an adult, there was only one thing she had to say…

"Mon Ami!"

* * *

In a fiery field in Dun Loreiag sat a Player Killer named Sora. And in this player killer sat many deranged thoughts, including a Library of Thoughts as the PK liked to call it. But right now, Sora's stomach decided to go on strike. It decided that making strange noises would satisfy it.

"Huh, stop it stomach! If I were a dumb person, I'd stab you out of frustration. But that would be stupid and would kill me."

'Man, I wish I had a can of pork and string beans,' thought Sora. Oh no, don't get mistaken, he wouldn't eat it. It's just been one of his childhood dreams to bash someone's brains in with a can of pork and string beans. Then Sora heard footsteps. 'Aw lame, I was right in the middle of my thinking!'

Sora (who had been standing on his head for no real reason), stood on his feet to see who had approached. He readied his blades to kill until he saw who it was. "Oh, it's you," he said as he looked into the eyes of the wavemaster in gray clothing. "We've all been wondering where you went off to Tsukasa."

Indeed, it was the wavemaster Tsukasa…

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Well, there you go, finally a freakin' update! I want to apologize sooooooo badly! It wasn't that I lost interest in this fic, I've just been having trouble coming up with creative ideas up til now. I'm very sorry. But on the bright side, you can expect to see cameos of original people from other people's fanfics! They may be a bit manic though, heh. I think I may be back in business! Oh yeah, I meant to end with a cliffhanger…

Oh yeah, in case you couldn't tell, the part at the very beginning was a dream of Tsukasa's.


	4. This Means WAR!

Zefie: Guess what? I now have narration rights for this fic! I have inherited the contract from MortalSora! First order of business is the Disclaimer, which states that I don't own squat (well, except Gruntylover4eva). Also, some rabid Kingdom Hearts fan named sailorstar165 owns Ryo-oki. Now, I need to go ahead and get this chapter done with so I can pester the hell out of Rena…

* * *

Literally a fountain of tears was streaming down the face of Gruntylover4eva. Also her face was red. Why? "OH, my poor Grunty-wunty-lunty-punty! So that MEANS we won't be able to be together any more! WAAAAAAAH! Please, if you are suffering as much as I am, let me know! Waaaaaaahh!"

To tell the truth, Tsukasa was glad to get away from this-(Zefie: Warning! Technical term coming up!)-'insane psycho bitch.'

"Waaaaaah! Just think of the good times we had! Like when I sold one of my kidneys to buy you Grunty food, or that time I accidentally French-kissed you! I'll never forget you and your cute Grunty butt! I wish us measly humans had butts like yours, you Grunty's have all the cool butt features like a tail! WAAAAAAAH!"

Then, suddenly, Tsukasa begin to float upwards toward the sky against her will! Gruntylover4eva spoke up. "Bye-bye my Grunty! WAAAAAAAAAH! MY GRUNTY IS LEAVING! What's the point of living anymore!"

As Tsukasa floated to the sky, a thought that is quite understandable entered her head. 'What? Am I going to die?' And if Tsukasa was feeling really malicious, she would have added, 'I don't think I'll miss you though because you scare the crap out of me.'

So at this point, as Tsukasa floated away to the unknown while Gruntylover4eva cried and questioned why she should live anymore now that this Grunty is gone, Tsukasa was wondering what was going to happen as well. (Zefie: By the way, the chances of Tsukasa arriving somewhere that is totally safe is about as likely as a fat man that lives next to a Pizza Hut is to move.)

* * *

Look at me, I'm Pippy LOGstockINgs number 4: "This means WAR!"

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Topic: Magical Grunty-person!

Hey, what's the big deal with this missing person I heard about from a friend? A missing Tsukasa? Isn't that that Grunty that my insane friend was raising? May the spork be with you. –Yuri

Re: Magical Grunty-person

What? Who would name a Grunty after a famous player? Grunties are sooooo dumb! –Yaoi

Re Re: Magical Grunty-person

Did you say Tsukasa? Where can I find him? –Subaru

Re Re Re: Magical Grunty-person

You can find him in Dun Lorieag using the keywords Gawky Flock's Torture . –Loli

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Tsukasa opened her huge Grunty eyes to discover that she was alive! And this time she was glad that she was alive! Unfortunately, she was still an annoying Noble Grunty though.

Tsukasa looked around and discovered that she was on a bit of land floating over Dun Lorieag. She also looked around and discovered a large Grunty ranch with all different sorts of Grunties staring expectantly at an empty podium. Tsukasa, confused, decided to go over to all the Grunties to see what was going on.

"Hey, what's going on?" Tsukasa asked a Grunty. The Grunty turned and looked at her. The Grunty looked like a miner and had a gruff voice. "Hello, I'm the Explosives Grunty, shh-BOOM. And who are you, shh-BOOM?"

"Um, what's going on here?"

"Oh, we're waiting for our leader, shh-BOOM. Since you don't know, you must be new, shh-BOOM. Just you wait, our leader will lead us Grunties to the chosen land, shh-BOOM." Then Explosives Grunty walked away from Tsukasa and back to the podium.

While Tsukasa was wondering how in the world a bunch of literally dumb Grunties could be organized, a Milky Grunty walked up to Tsukasa, swaying its hips. When Milky Grunty spoke to Tsukasa, she startled her. But what came next was even more startling. "Hey there, you wanna be my red king?"

"Ahhhhhh!" Then Tsukasa ran away from the Milky Grunty and ran into a Rocker Grunty.

"Hey, what's the rush, baby? Someone trailing you, baby?" The Milky Grunty rushed up to the Rocker Grunty and Tsukasa. "Well hello there you two, do anyone of you want to be my red king? We can nibble on a bit of Aromatic Grass together, nudge nudge."

"Get outta here, baby!"

"Well FINE then!" So then the creepy Milky Grunty left. The Rocker Grunty faced Tsukasa. "She's such a whore, baby. I can tell you are new here, what's your handle, baby?"

"I'm Tsukasa, and I'm not really a Grunty."

"TSUKASA? This is unbelievable, baby! I gotta tell our leader!" Then Rocker Grunty rushed off, leaving Tsukasa confused.

As Tsukasa wondered what was going on, she decided to look around some more and found a Grunty that was outside of the crowd of the podium. It was an Aqua Grunty that looked pissed off. Tsukasa, who was told by her shrink that she should be more social, decided to ask the Grunty what's wrong.

"What's wrong? I'm a stupid Grunty! Sorry, let me introduce myself, I'm Ryo-oki. I'm not even supposed to be a Grunty but this idiot hacker that likes me turned me into one! And people think I'm a hacker because my character class and weapon randomly changes! And now that I'm a Grunty-" Then Ryo-oki changed from an Aqua Grunty to a Noble Grunty. "Ah damn it, mon ami!" Then Ryo-oki stomped off.

Tsukasa then heard a lot of chatter near the empty podium. "Gnarly, here he comes, dude!" "Our leader is here, glub!" "Our leader is so sexy, red king." "We will all serve you, our leader, clang!" Tsukasa looked to the podium and saw a Grunty walk up to it. The Grunty had on brown clothes with the Nazi symbol on it. This Grunty also had on a brown cap and had a thick mustache.

"I'm glad you could all assemble, schnell! It is I, your leader, the Nazi Grunty, schnell! I am glad you could all attend and be part of the GLSS, schnell!" The Nazi Grunty then looked at Tsukasa. "Especially you, Tsukasa…"

--------------

"Nghhhhh! Grrrr! I'm yanking as hard as I can Balmung, but nothing more comes out!"

"Well you can't just forcibly tug, you have to be gentle! You have to be or else it won't come out!"

"Nghhh! This is hopeless Balmung!"

"If you have to, use my hips for leverage!"

Now, you are probably asking yourself: 'What the hell? Do I want to know what Reki is tugging on?' Ahh, just imagine…ahem, back to reality. Well, it turns out that Reki is yanking on a Piros head that is sticking out of Balmung's back. No, seriously. Here, maybe this flashback will help you out.

.hack/FLASHBACK

A few hours before this chapter, Balmung was lying on the grass overlooking one of Dun Lorieag's many bottomless cliffs and he was having quite a relaxing, normal day. In his hands was a virtual book he was reading. The book was called "Why I'm So Great" by Balmung of the Azure Sky. And just when he was at one of his favorite chapters, 'Why My Toenails Are So Pretty,' something came up to him. And that something said this: "Are you Balmung of the Azure Sky, schnell?"

Well now, this was odd. Reki used the title Balmung of the Azure God-Complex, so it could not have been him who said it. It couldn't be one of the many 'Balmungettes,' as the fangirls liked to call themselves, because he had not had his clothes stolen yet. So, tired of mindlessly guessing, he stood up and looked down to see a Grunty dressed as a nazi. "Uhh…"

"Ahem, my God has asked me to ask you something, and being the leader of the GLSS, I was elected, schnell!"

"…"

"I ask, no, DEMAND, a pact between the AIs and you measly PCs, schnell. And if you don't…" Nazi Grunty then stuck his left paw(?) in the air. "WE WILL BURY YOU, schnell!"

"…pbtbtbtb, ahahaHAHAHAHA! What-what are you gonna do, pee on me? Hahahahaha!"

The Nazi Grunty's face pixaled red with anger. Now let's just say that Balmung should not have laughed at him. Nazi Grunty seemed to talk into some kind of earpiece. "Alright, drop the payload…oh yeah, and schnell!"

While Balmung was laughing, some kind of weird gas fell on him from above. Balmung started choking and decided to punch himself in the liver to stop himself. Well, that only ended up hurting him more, and he fell to the ground and rolled off one of the bottomless ledges. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

By the time that Balmung logged back in, he found an inactive Piros head attached to an inactive Piros neck sticking out of his back, and through the armor. This made him cry.

.hack/FLASHBACK END

"Well, I think you may just have to face the fact that Piros is sticking out of your back."

"Easy for you to say!" Balmung held a pocket mirror to his side so that he could see his back. "Man, now by back looks all ugly!"

"Heehee. Maybe you should apologize to this…Nazi Grunty, you said?"

"Oh yeah? Well, maybe I will pay him a visit! Mwahahaha! And it will be the last visit ANYONE pays to him, if you get my drift. Mwahahahaha!" Then pixaled lightning struck just as he laughed. Reki just proceeded to roll his eyes.

-------------

Real world. Everything was grey. The 11 year old boy wandered why the heck everything was gray. The 11 year old boy was tied to his living room couch. Then the 11 year old boy's parents came into the living room.

"Why am I tied here?"

"Because," replied the mother, "you play too much of that damn game! You have been so preoccupied with that game that you grew a carbuncle!"

"Son, are you looking at porn all this time?"

"Um, no!"

"Sex, sex, sex! That's all these boys that about these days! Why, when I was his age, I was thinking about how to mold cheese. Now THAT is something productive!"

"But then again," the mother chipped in, looking to the father, "one reason you didn't think about sex was because you had one testicle."

"True."

The 11 year old boy's face twisted. "What the hell are you talking about?" The boy just wanted to play more of The World so that he could murder and maim. Is that so wrong?

"Okay, we'll let you play your game!" exclaimed the father. "BUT, just make sure you take some time out to get a life, okay?"

"Sure."

"Alright!" said the mother. "Now I'm gonna striptease for your father, so don't come into the bedroom for about an hour."

"Ahhhhh!" Then the 11 year old boy ran to his room to get on his computer. And people wondered why he is so weird.

-------------

As Sora logged back in, he immediately ran to Dun Lorieag's Chaos Gate, put in the code words he was looking for, and warped. Sora appeared in a fiery field and approached a gigantic sword embedded in a red rock. Sora leaned against the sword, knowing who was on the other side.

"Well, glad to see you again 'Tsukasa.' I was busy getting lectured."

"…"

"Say something."

"I made a great discovery today!"

"Yeah…"

Wavemaster Tsukasa turned and ran to face Sora. "I'm a GUY! I even have male sexual organs!" Sora rolled his eyes, wondering if today had turned into Sex Ed day for him. "Somehow, I am a guy! Cool huh? I wonder what my organs are used for?"

Sora sighed. "If you go on like this, I'll have to kill you."

"But it's exciting!"

"Who are you anyway?"

"I'm Tsukasa. What do you mean?"

"Well, the REAL Tsukasa is a female."

The Wavemaster Tsukasa then looked around shiftily. "Um…I got a sex change?"

"No! Who are you?" Sora readied a blade and was about to strike, when all of a sudden he felt an axe hit him on the butt. "Ow! You hit me on the BUTT!"

When Sora looked around, he was surprised to see a very angry looking Subaru. She stared at him before talking. "I might have the body of a weak and feeble person, but I have the heart of a stampeding elephant! If you hurt Tsukasa…I'LL RIP YOUR LEGS OFF AND STICK THEM IN YOUR HEAD!"

Yeah, Sora was scared. "MOVE!" So Sora moved out of the way as Subaru, accompanied by Silver Knight, ran over and hugged Tsukasa. "Oh my Tsukasa-wasa! Where have you been?"

"Um…uh…"

"If you have been avoiding me on purpose…I'LL KNOCK YOUR HEAD OFF AND HANG IT ON TOP OF A CHRISTMAS TREE SO THAT WHEN IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME I'LL HAVE TO SAY 'LET'S LIGHT THE TSUKASA HEAD.'"

Wavemaster Tsukasa was to scared to say no.

-------

Meanwhile, Tsukasa the Grunty was not having much more luck. She was being prepared for some kind of 'tactical attack.' Tsukasa looked around to other Grunties that were lined up with her. "Man, I can't wait to see what dangerous mission we've got to perform next, shh-BOOM."

"Dangerous?"

"Yeah. Last time, half of the GLSS, that's us, got killed. Cool, huh?"

"What?"

Then the Nazi Grunty marched up to the line of six Grunties, Tsukasa being first in line. "I am glad you could all make it to the mission briefing, schnell!" So far, so good, Tsukasa wasn't worried yet. "The new GLSS, led by Tsukasa, will start the assault on Dun Lorieag in a day!" Tsukasa was a little more worried now, but was still okay. "So tomorrow, the GLSS, aka the Grunty Liberation Suicide Squad, will launch an all-out offensive!" Uh-oh.

"WHAT!"

"Yay, we're gonna die, shh-BOOM!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zefie: Whew, that's enough for now! As the oddness ramps up, so does the unique sense of humor this fic, aka MY fic, goes up as well! But don't worry, everything will make sense in time! Well now that I have got this done, I'll make out with Shugo in front of Rena! Hehe, I'm such a good girl. Make sure to review if you like!


	5. Little Things Mean A Lot

Zefie: Hey, I'm the Disclaimer Poster Girl! I belong on posters! And movies, and fanfics, and TV shows, and broadway! I belong everywhere, in the whole world! Oh, and in his VERY minor role (he might have a bigger cameo time in another chapter), Reeves belongs to ProtoNeiko! By the way, I own nothing here except Gruntylover4eva! You can borrow her if you like, but make sure to give credit where credit is due or I WILL RIP YOUR THROAT OUT! Teehee!

The neon lights strung up in the sign cascaded rapidly as the sign swung by the wind like a drunken Christmas Tree (…the hell?). The lights helped to point out the large, ugly wooden sign that hung above the shop in the Dun Lorieag server. And the sign, scribbled in red crayon, read: "!elas rof serugif noitca kcah."

"Ah hell!" groaned Nuke Usagimaru, the writer of the sign. "Now no one will know I'm selling .hacker action figures!"

At this point, Nuke was panicking and decided to get players' attention by throwing the pointy action figures at them. This worked, for the most part. "Ow! What the &$? Why in hell's hamster did you throw a doll at me?" Yelled a character named Marlo.

"What? They are not dolls, they're action figures!"

Soon, lots of people started visiting and buying .hacker action figures, after Nuke threw figures at people of course. Oh, and Nuke accidentally decapitated a blue robed Wavemaster carrying some sort of grass by throwing a figure at his head.

"What do you mean, you have no Grunty figures," yelled a male player with dark brown hair in the back and light brown bangs covering a blue bandana. "How am I, Reeves, Hero of all things small and piggish, supposed to lead a successful campaign without a beloved Grunty action figure? Are you asking for a Reeves Super Power Death Dealer Strike?"

"Uh, um, no?" Then the player called Reeves stormed off. After awhile, Nuke actually began making a lot of money. "Here ye here ye! The Nuke action figures sells at an extra low price so that everyone can buy ME!"

No one bought a Nuke action figure.

Well, for the most part, Nuke's business continued to do very well. The Balmungettes especially loved the Balmung figures. "OH MY GOD, BALMUNG FIGURES! Now we can undress him!" Even Sora bought some figures, namely figures of himself, Subaru, Mimiru, BT, and BlackRose. The action figures had quickly become a valuable item. Even oh-so-serious BT secretly bought a figure of herself.

And, while no one was watching, the Wavemaster Tsukasa secretly stole a Piros figure, looked it over, then whispered to himself. "Hmm, so that's what Piros looks like…"

----------------------------------------------------

Zefie: Now it's time to tune on in to the fic that never ends!

Log it In, Log it Out, Log it In, Log it Out 5: "Little Things Mean A Lot"

----------------------------------------------------

Message Board

Topic: Weird Grunty behavior

Hey, admins, if you are reading this, what's up with the Grunties lately? Just yesterday, a Grunty ran up to me to get my attention, then the Grunty put its head in a toilet and drowned itself! –BillyJean

Re: Weird Grunty behavior

Hey, you're not the only one who has noticed the odd behaviors! I witnessed a Grunty purposely gain attention to itself right before it jumped off one of Dun Loreiag's cliffs, killing itself! What the hell is going on? –MajorTom

Re: Re: Weird Grunty behavior

As usual, the admins are staying tight lipped. –RooPaul

Re: Re: Re: Weird Grunty behavior

We admins are looking into this matter. SO RESPECT YOUR ELDERS YOU DAMN KIDS! –Lios, BraveHead

Helba was innocently floating around the streets of Carmina Gadelica with her big head full of thoughts. Thoughts like: "I wonder what the whole Grunty suicide thing is about?", "I wonder why I can only hover a few inches off the ground?", "I wonder what bananas taste like?", and "Gee, my shirt is too tight. I should probably loosen it."

Helba had also gotten some action figures, which she thought looked a lot like the players they represented. The only figure she was unsure about was her own. It was weird, but it looked like she had two baby Grunties tied to her chest. (…dumb big boogalooed woman! I hate her)

But another intriguing thing was that Balmung had been avoiding people. Why? Well, she was so busy thinking that she did not notice that she had hovered off one of the balconies, then she drowned. When she logged back on, she felt stupid. But Lios was waiting for her when she logged back on. "Ah, Helba. There you are!"

"What do you want?" she groaned in annoyance.

"Do you have anything to do with the Grunty suicides that have transpired lately?"

"Uh, no. As far as I know, the Grunties are just being stupid again." Helba had a firm belief that Grunties were just dumb animals. True, they are dumb, but they are useful. "I doubt they even have brains!"

"Maybe…there is a secret Grunty conspiracy going on here!"

"Lios, you're just paranoid. We should be focusing on important things here, like these action figures!" She proceeded to wave her figure of herself in front of Lios. "See, aren't they spiffy? Hey, how come my boobs are bigger than my head in these figures?"

Lios looked at YOU, the reader. "I seriously doubt Helba's brain is in her head."

Gruntylover4eva's bottom lip was twitching and her eyes were filled with tears. Even her nose seemed to be filled with sadness. "NO GRUNTY FIGURES! Waaaaaaaaaa!"

"Woah, look, why don't you by a figure of me?" suggested the cotton candy hair colored Nuke.

"I get it! You're RACIST towards Grunties! You bastard!"

Nuke head tilted about 90 degrees. "Huh?"

"That's it! I'll make my own action figure shop devoted to Grunties! And when my shop becomes more popular, I'll bury your shop and KILL YOU, you racist!"

As Gruntylover4eva stomped off, one thought crossed Nuke mind. 'Geez, everyone who likes Grunties are frickin' weirdos!'

The small bridge overlooking the canal of the river in Mac Anu afforded a beautiful view into the orange, tranquil evening sky. The sun setting and the stars starting to glitter made for a romantic sight for couples. Subaru and the Wavemaster Tsukasa sat together on the bridge overlooking the view.

The Wavemaster Tsukasa turned to look at Subaru. "Are you bored? I mean, we haven't talked a lot…"

"Ice cream…" was Subaru's remark.

"Huh? You want ice cream?"

"Who can't love ice cream. Ice cream is sweet, and even after it is gone, it leaves a great taste in you," Subaru looked over to the Wavemaster Tsukasa. "Kind of like you."

"…"

"Even when you are not here, even when I cannot find you, I still feel good because I know I will." Subaru leaned closer and put her hand on his/hers/whatever-you-call-Wavemaster-Tsukasa. "Tsukasa, I love you. You love me…right?"

'Holy MOLY! Red alert, red alert, red alert! A GIRL is telling me she loves me! I mean, it was noly about a day ago that I discovered I became a Wavemaster and even sooner that I discovered I had grown a penis! Does that necessarily make me a guy? Or is she a lesbian? What the hell is going on?'

The Wavemaster Tsukasa just sort of…burnt out, with his/her eyes dilated and mouth hanging open. As Subaru pressed on his/her hand, he/she yelled out startlingly: "Um, I love you too!...?"

Subaru's eyes widened. But it was not widening of surprise; rather, it was widening of recognition. She hated the fact that she would have to get off the computer soon because she had to install jet engines on her wheelchair, but she had to do what she had been yearning to ever since the Twilight incident. She kissed him/her. Not a normal 'Hey, I'm bored, wanna kiss' or a 'Look, over there! Haha, kissed you when you weren't looking' type of kiss. This was a real kiss.

Before Wavemaster Tsukasa knew what was going on, Subaru and his/her tongues met. Their tongues met, waved hello, shook hands, had a nice dinner, tickled each other, went bike riding with each other, then their tongues parted.

"……" Wavemaster Tsukasa was more dumbfounded. Then Subaru tenderly kissed him/her again, then lick his/her cheek, then licked his/her ear, then licker his/her eyeballs, then licked his/her nose, showing her loving passion for him/her.

Subaru turned so red that Wavemaster Tsukasa would've thought Subaru sunburned her face, then Subaru turned to leave. And as Subaru left, she left Wavemaster Tsukasa a figure of…Tsukasa (Wavemaster form, that is).

"…whoa," was all Wavemaster Tsukasa could say, with his/her eyes wide open with Subaru saliva in them. "I…I…I need to get…to work…"

Gruntylover4eva had set up her small Grunty trinket shop on the complete opposite side of Nuke's shop. Her shop was also conveniently placed next to a Grunty ranch on a cliff overlooking the beautiful horizon.

Luckily for Gruntylover4eva, she had actually been stealing some of Nuke's business, thanks to 'Grunty Freaks,' an online organization that liked Grunties, including a character named Reeve. Oh, and Gruntylover4eva cherished voctiry as she shouted to Nuke. "HA! PEOPLE LOVE GRUNTIES! HOW DOES IT FEEL, YA BIG GAY?"

Nuke rolled his eyes as he sold himself his seventh Nuke figure.

Nazi Grunty and the GLSS had just got done with their daily hoe down. Nazi Grunty then got in front of a podium that stood in front of a large, wooden Grunty ranch with a big picture oh himself on it.

"Guess what everyone? I am so proud of how your comrades kill each other, schnell! And you surviving Grunties, I can't wait to see how you kill yourselves, schnell!"

"Whoa, is it possible to eat your own head, dude? That would be narly!"

The Nazi Grunty just stared at the surfer Grunty that had spoken out in the crowd. "Someone shoot him." So a Grunty did. Tsukasa, however, just looked completely confused. "When the hell did Grunties get guns?"

"And guess what else, schnell? Our God had asked to see Tsukasa! Let's give a salute to Tsukasa!" So all the Grunties give Tsukasa the Hitler salute, freaking her out. "And let's all hail the one we worship that Tsukasa shall meet with!"

Many Grunties then sang in unison, "Hail Satan!"

Tsukasa's response was simply, "…WHAT?"

On her way out of The World, Subaru visited a field right quick to law down in the comforting shade of the world. And after composing herself about practically slobbering saliva on Wavemaster Tsukasa, she left, holding another Tsukasa figure. On her way out, she accidentally stepped on a red lycoris flower, killing it.

——————————————

Zefie: Well, I hope you liked this chapter! MortalSora had actually wanted to put a lot more in this chapter, but he tries to keep the chapters under 6 pages so that they do not become drawn out. So hopefully next chapter, you will get to read more, he says sorry. But another recurring theme for this story is: "It may not make sense now, but it will in the end." Oh, and this fic will! Now I must go off and destroy Rena! I wonder how many people got the cruel joke about the flower?

.hack/PREVIEW

Zefie: On the next episode of "Days of Our Hack," poor poor Shugo finds out that he not my REAL father! And that Aura left Kite for another person…a woman! Because Aura is really…a man! And are Helba's boobums really made of Jell-O? Oh the drama! Oh the humanity!

Lios: (turns to YOU, the reader) That's not really what the next chapter is about.


	6. Chapter 6

Zefie: Hey, you better remember me or I'll hurt you real bad! I'm the Messenger of Disclaimer, here to say that MortalSora owns nothin! Now read this chapter or I'll have to kill you with a machinegun! Ratatatatata!

* * *

In the Dun Loreiag server, Gruntylover4eva was just having a shady conversation with Marlo. Gruntylover4eva leaned over the table of the Grunty shop shed and put her left hand to the side of her mouth, to make sure no one heard. "…so if I paid you a decent amount of GP, would you really be able to club Nuke in the kneecaps?"

"Well hell yeah, no fu&ing problem!"

Gruntylover4eva then stretched. "Alright! He will pay for excluding the ignoble Grunty!" Marlo gave an irritated sigh and asked her is she was the Grunty Freak. "Well, yeah. I love Grunties! I would give my left spleen for a Grunty!"

"Spleen?"

Upon the cobblestone ground, which was lined by grass, emerged a Grunty waddling up to the Grunty shop, which sold Grunty figures, Grunty coffee mugs, Grunty t-shirts, Grunty armor, Grunty fake warts, Grunty vibrators, Grunty rings, Grunty bracelets, and many more Grunty items. Anyway, this Grunty was no ordinary Grunty. In fact, this was Nazi Grunty disguised as an NPC. Disguise as in he painted his belly silver and the top of his head silver, otherwise he looked the same. Nazi Grunty waddled on his hind legs over to the counter. "Um, I would like a Grunty figure…schnell."

"Alright my fellow PC. Hey, wait a minute…you look kinda strange!" exclaimed Gruntylover4eva, the shop-owner.

"Umm…err…I am a new character class…schnell?"

Gruntylover4eva put her index finger to her left cheekbone, as the tiny gears in her head tried to work out why this specific character was so peculiar. Giving up (Zefie: As the gears in her dense little head probably broke!), Gruntylover4eva simply gave the fake-PC a Noble Grunty figure.

"Why thank you little girl. You can have this on behalf of me…schnell." And the Nazi Grunty gave her a weird pink Grunty nutcracker.

Gruntylover4eva stared at the gift with fondness. "Wow! A cracker of nuts! And it's pink! And shaped like a Grunty. A pink Grunty cracker of nuts, super cool!" By this time, Nazi Grunty had left…

———————————————————————————————

Zefie: And now, the next chapter! How will it end up?

Log off of me 6: "Bam, Smack, Action!"

———————————————————————————————

"Oh Sora, I love you so much!" exclaimed the BT figure.

"Yes, I think you are so cool and sexy," the BlackRose figure excitedly replied. The Subaru figure got to retort back. "Hey, why do you get to have him to yourself?" Then the Mimiru figure joined in. "I know, why don't we all share Sora!"

Then all the figures screamed in joy while Sora manipulated them. Then Sora froze. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up. "Damn it Mimiru, how long have you been here?" The real Mimiru replied that she hadn't see him playing with his dolls again, adding an evil smirk. "Good! …wait a minute!"

Mimiru burst out laughing. After being done pointing her finger at him and laughing at him, she spoke. "Anyway, I have a reason for visiting you in your hideout."

"If you're not careful, Sora-2 will KILL YOU!" hollered Sora while waving his Sora figure at her. "And how did you get here?"

"I'm here to ask you something." Sora proceeded to yell 'Cluck!' in a frightening manner, but 'Cluck' is not scary no matter how you say it. "I betcha that you know something about Tsukasa."

Squinting his eyes, Sora playfully replied that he didn't know Tsukasa. Mimiru's hair spiked up while her eyes turned blood red and she suddenly seemed to grow much taller. "JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW OR I'LL CLUMSILY CIRCUMCISE YOU!" Sora gulped.

* * *

Subject: Recent concerns

Recently there have been concerns that The World is going all doolally again and that we, the administrators, are totally incompetent and aloof again. Well, I have to tell you that that's not true. Believe me, we know that we don't know what we're doing. Oh, and if you respond to this review of authority, you will get banned. Signed, Albireo

Subject: Recent concerns

Reply: Oh really?

Wow, I thought you were just a bunch of idiots.

Signed, Dante

Subject: Recent concerns

Reply:Reply: Oh really?

You are banned!

* * *

The Wavemaster Tsukasa was wandering through some of the clear, open fields of Dun Lorieag, away from the PCs, while singing to him/herself. He/She also had his/her eyes closed while he/she was walking. "Oh, Tsukasa goes complain, complain, and Subaru goes smooch, smooch, slobbering in my eyes. Ah, I wonder how Tsukasa would react if she knew I made out with her girl…"

Wavemaster Tsukasa bumped into something about knee-high. When he/she opened his/her eyes and looked down, those eyes found a Noble Grunty with a Wavemaster hat, and that Grunty was seething with anger. That could only mean one thing for Wavemaster Tsukasa. "Oh doody…"

The Real Tsukasa, aka the Grunty Tsukasa, then leaped upon Wavemaster Tsukasa's shoulders and started kicking him/her in the face repeatedly. Real Tsukasa then bit into Wavemaster Tsukasa's right nipple, followed by Wavemaster Tsukasa flailing about in pain. The Real Tsukasa, angered by deception, then pimp slapped Wavemaster Tsukasa with her tail ending by Real Tsukasa catapulting off of Wavemaster Tsukasa's face.

"Nnngh! You're gonna pay for this you phony! How dare you put Subaru's tongue in your eye!" Real Tsukasa leaped over to the startled Wavemaster Tsukasa's left leg, bit it, held onto it, then lifted up Wavemaster Tsukasa and bashed his/her head against a conveniently placed can of beans that some player left on the ground.

Real Tsukasa let go, following by something happening. It was something neither the Real Tsukasa or the Wavemaster Tsukasa expected. Real Tsukasa grew wings. Not just any wings. These were red demonic wings with black linings.

* * *

At her shop, Gruntylover4eva was cracking nuts with the pink Grunty nutcracker when it suddenly became very hot. So hot that she had to drop it. "Ow, cripe!" She then proceeded to suck on her fingers to cool them down.

* * *

Wavemaster Tsukasa watched in terror as Real Tsukasa's Grunty teeth grew into sharp Grunty fangs and Real Tsukasa's Grunty fur turned light red. Real Tsukasa's paws each turned into 2-foot long claws. The Grunty tail turned as sharp as a razor. "What's going on? But Satan told me this wouldn't happen!" exclaimed Real Tsukasa.

Real Tsukasa's ears turned into very narrow tubes. Real Tsukasa also grew bigger and Real Tsukasa could not control her actions. Real Tsukasa stood on her hind legs and glared at Wavemaster Tsukasa. "Oh, please don't hurt me!"

The narrow tubes that were Real Tsukasa's ears shot lasers that impaled Wavemaster Tsukasa's ribs. The narrow tubes combined to form a large cannon, and shot a highly-concentrated sphere of energy at Wavemaster Tsukasa, blowing him/her dozens of feet away. The impulse that had taken over Real Tsukasa's body figured that its job was done, then Real Tsukasa turned back into a normal Grunty again. "…what the heck was that?"

* * *

Elk walked along the cobblestone 'streets' of Dun Lorieag, deep in thought. There was a person on his mind, but not Mia. Sure, Mia was usually on his mind, but Elk decided that not even he could shadow Mia everywhere. No, he was thinking of someone more like himself. Someone else that was shy and quiet, someone who understood him. He was thinking of Natsume.

Elk walked over to a weird figure shop that had recently opened. He stood in front of the shop's display window, looking for a good gift to maybe give Mia, or possibly Natsume. He doubted the later though, because he was why to shy to say anything to her. "Whatcha need?" Elk noticed a pinky Grunty nutcracker that was literally letting off steam.

A perfect gift! Elk just thought of the perfect gift to give Natsume! He was so excited! In this shop was the perfect gift to give her, something that would make her really appreciate him! But just before he could get that perfect something, a smoldering Wavemaster Tsukasa dropped from the air and onto Elk, crushing him as he faded to grey.

Gruntylover4eva leaned over the display window down at the smoking husk of Wavemaster than up to the air. "It's raining men!"

* * *

"Sora-2 doesn't like you! You tried to cut his head off! You threatened us!" hollered Sora while defensively clutching his Sora figure.

"Then tell me why Tsukasa has been acting so strange. Subaru's so relieved to have found her that she hasn't noticed yet!"

"You have to apologize to Sora-2 first!" Mimiru was ecstatic. Sora cradled his figure of himself. "You hurt his feelings."

Mimiru put her hand to her face and sighed. "…sorry Sora-2."

Sora held his figure to his ear, then turned to Mimiru. "He forgives you. Well, I can tell you that the Tsukasa you see, the Wavemaster, is NOT the real Tsukasa."

"Someone's using his PC? A hack maybe?"

"I doubt it. Come to think of it, not too long ago, I did notice something strange. That 'Wavemaster Grunty' from the message boards. Tsukasa acting weird. Connection?"

"…you might be right! For a change. Fine, I hate to say this but…thank you S-" Mimiru was cut off by being stabbed in the neck by Sora-2. "Awesome, I have a PK action figure! This rocks!"

* * *

Well, Satan aka Mor Ga Na, as known by the entities Grunty followers, was quite please with itself. Real Tsukasa had no idea that, when she was forced to visit Mor Ga Na, that Mor Ga Na would give her demon powers. Everything was going according to plan.

* * *

Zefie: Another chapter done! Yay! Now I can go and pretend that I think Shugo is a woman just to bug him! Chaos is fun to cause! Stay tuned!

.hack/PREVIEW

Zefie: In the next chapter of Amazing Amazon Girl Zefie (chapter 7), the Amazing Zefie gets stranded on an island with weird penguin-like creatures called a Prinny!

Prinny: Us, dood?

Zefie: It is up to Zefie, along with her man-slave Reki, to save this land from those evil Prinnies! Make sure to stay tuned!

Prinny: You are completely insane, dood!

.hack/Chapter end


End file.
